End-of-Year Doula Reflection: The Real Reason You Feel Behind
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Unknown speaker 00:04
Welcome to Doula Tips and Tips, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harad. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full-time for seven.
Unknown speaker 00:20
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you, no fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
Unknown speaker 00:36
I would say collectively, 2025 has been a fairly shit year. And maybe I'm maybe I'm wrong on that. Maybe it was actually starting way earlier than that. Maybe 2025 is not when we began the crappiness.
Unknown speaker 00:53
I would say right around the time when reproductive rights started to be massively threatened. And then from there, how things just crumbled, DEI initiatives being shut down, like so many things about maternal health being tabled, the little tiny efforts that were happening, right?
Unknown speaker 01:16
Which I know are still happening. Like there are still people championing maternal mortality rates improvement and research that was underfunded and whatnot. But 2025, so many things came crashing down and are still crashing, right?
Unknown speaker 01:37
Like it's not like 2026 magically moves us out of that. Like we still have this amazingly terrible government and we still have our racist systems in place that are just going strong, you know, plugging away, trying to cut down all of the folks that don't fit in their boxes.
Unknown speaker 01:58
And so collectively, we've had some stress, right? And I am not even part of a lot of the communities that have had more significant trauma and stress this year. So I'm not saying that I, as a white woman, have experienced the brunt of it, but I have peripherally been involved in much of it and am feeling the pressure and the drain of the situations, right?
Unknown speaker 02:27
I think doulas honestly give too much oftentimes. And we've talked about this before, right? Like you and I have had this chat of like we are, we tend to be overgivers, you know, but what happens in that overgiving is that we actually forget that we need our own support, right?
Unknown speaker 02:53
And when we when we sort of become the giver that everybody else needs us to be in a variety of different moments, then that's actually problematic because then ultimately we feel like we are under supported, we are behind on things, we are failing at different parts of life.
Unknown speaker 03:18
When the reality is it's unrealistic, the amount of work that we're putting on ourselves and also the amount of collective caretaking that we are trying to do. And so I constantly hear from doulas who are saying to me, I think I could be doing better.
Unknown speaker 03:37
I think I could be doing more. I think I could be, and I'm like, okay, stop. Could we all market a little bit more? Sure. Could we, could we, I don't know, do more in terms of social media? Could we do more in terms of email marketing?
Unknown speaker 03:54
Like I had, I had a doula wrap up her coaching with me recently and she said, you know, in theory, I have newsletters for my clients. And I was like, yeah, that's true for a lot of doulas, right? A lot of doulas are like, I do have the intention of doing newsletters eventually.
Unknown speaker 04:16
And many of us have had that intention, you know, and then it doesn't happen. And it's not always because you aren't good at follow through. Like sometimes it is that the number of things you're trying to do is too many things.
Unknown speaker 04:30
Right. And so I think we sort of have this space that's easy to be like, I can do everything and I can do everything well. And the reality is that's not true. And so you feel behind all the time because you have a false sense of what you're able to get accomplished.
Unknown speaker 04:54
And that is not serving you. Right. And I think sometimes sometimes we don't take the time to kind of step back and be like, what of these things do I actually need to say no to? Like, which, which of these things needs to not be my job?
Unknown speaker 05:11
And there, there are things, right, that like sometimes we consider norms that aren't norms, right? Like how much someone charges for a package, how much someone shows up in a package, like what's included in that package, right?
Unknown speaker 05:30
Things like how we engage with our clients, when we engage with our clients, how often we engage with our clients, what's included for them in the prenatal and postpartum time, right? Like all of those layers are part of this.
Unknown speaker 05:45
And I think one of the things that we have to really lean into is how are we actually setting ourselves up to be overworked and underpaid and therefore burnt out, right? Like again, going back to this burnout situation that is so insanely prevalent in birth workers because we have work that is very hard.
Unknown speaker 06:07
Like not everyone can get up at 2 a.m. when you get a call and go and support someone doing this crazy hard, crazy emotional, crazy difficult work and then come home, rest, take care of ourselves, rinse and repeat, right?
Unknown speaker 06:22
It is hard work that we do. Not everybody can be a surgeon. Not everybody can be, I don't know, a truck driver because your back might get out. Like there's lots of layers to jobs that people do that not everyone could do them.
Unknown speaker 06:40
You are a doula. You are doing the work of a doula. And if you want to continue to do that work, you need to do it in a way that actually sustains yourself and your body. Right. And so one of the things I think about with this is really taking a step back and looking at where is their where is their space to let things go, right?
Unknown speaker 07:06
One of my favorite things to do with doulas that I coach is to have them tell me the things they hate the most about their business. And the reason I have them do that is that I actually want to engage with how can we make those things easier or how about we just take them away?
Unknown speaker 07:21
Like, how about they just don't exist anymore? You know, and sometimes that is like this feels like not a big deal and a, and a really normal part of your business because you've been doing it for so long.
Unknown speaker 07:34
But the reality is that it is a big deal. It is a big piece of your business and it is taking a lot of emotional and mental space up that doesn't need to be taken up by that. Right. And I mean, we all know the feeling of like that thing is completely off my plate and the just absolute glorious part of that that's like, okay, and I don't have to think about that at all now.
Unknown speaker 07:56
And yeah, if someone's like, hey, can you think about that for a minute? You could be like, oh, sure. Yeah. I can tap back in. But otherwise, it's just not my job. And that is glorious. Like, it's so good to have clarity.
Unknown speaker 08:08
Right. And so part of what I guess this episode is about is changing your perspective, your narrative about whether you are behind or whether you just haven't been expecting too much, right? And it's probably a little of both, right?
Unknown speaker 08:26
Like there might be things you're behind on and that's okay. And you should get up to date on those things, right? Like, sure, sure. Like, get yourself together and catch up. But also, like, there are maybe things that you just don't need to do.
Unknown speaker 08:41
And if it's been on your to-do list for months and months and months and it hasn't happened, maybe just consider not doing it. And I realize it's not always possible, right? But also, like, if you're putting it off, why is that?
Unknown speaker 08:53
You know, and is it because it's really not needed? Or is it because it's really stressing you out? Is it because you don't have what you need to get it finished? Like, there are lots of layers to that, right?
Unknown speaker 09:03
And it's hard. But I also think doing that work of evaluating it helps you then walk into a new year with some change. I don't know about you, but my new year resolutions are often like, I'm going to stop doing all the bad things that I've been doing, which bad things are like, I don't do my laundry until it's literally overflowing out of the basket, right?
Unknown speaker 09:24
Like I really put off sending birthday cards to the point that I forget to send them. And then I just have a million birthday cards that I own that I haven't sent to people. Like that's, those are some of my bad traits, right?
Unknown speaker 09:38
But actually, I'm not going to stop doing those things in 2026. I'm not going to. I've tried so many years of my life to stop doing them and I'm not going to. And so if I, if those things are priorities to me, I need to figure out a different solution than just me deciding to not do them anymore because that's not working.
Unknown speaker 09:59
Right. And it's kind of ridiculous for me to think that all of a sudden in 2026, I have the self-control to do my laundry as soon as the laundry basket's even a little bit full. Like I don't, I'm not going to.
Unknown speaker 10:10
I won't do that. I'm just not that person. And also my brain doesn't work that way. Right. But what I can do is decide I am going to buckle down on recording my episodes in advance and having them scheduled and scheduling social media so I actually am consistent in posting on social media because those are things I fall behind on when a baby comes and then it's really hard for me to catch back up.
Unknown speaker 10:37
But there are also things that I know really matter and things that make a big difference in my business. And so those are things that I need to intentionally do. And that is the difference between looking at something that's like, am I behind on that?
Unknown speaker 10:50
I'm not actually. Whether or not I do my laundry and how that works for me is not something that's holding me back, right? It's not. In 2026, it's okay for me to still kind of suck at doing my laundry.
Unknown speaker 11:02
What's not okay is for me to not do a consistent job of marketing because in 2026, I'm going to grow this coaching business even more than I've grown it already. And in order to do that, I do need to get my shit together in terms of marketing.
Unknown speaker 11:15
Right. And so that's not something that I have a choice about. I mean, I do have a choice, but if I want the business to grow, I got to do it. Right. And so when you're looking through like, what things have you not done?
Unknown speaker 11:29
What things are you behind on? Sometimes it is like, oh, that thing can just stop happening. Like, I just don't need to do that anymore. And another thing could be that you really do need to do it. And then you need to get yourself together.
Unknown speaker 11:41
Right. And some of it is, I mean, you know, I love automation. So like one of my things is I send out an email after every single childbirth class I teach, teach and I send it out manually. And that is not necessary.
Unknown speaker 11:55
Like I have a system in place because I teach through the breastfeeding center who has acuity, right? So I can use acuity to literally schedule an email, a post-class email that goes out, that gives my students all the information that they need.
Unknown speaker 12:09
Like I don't have to do that. And in the sense, in the fact that I do do it, I forget to do it on a regular basis. And then it's one more thing I'm forgetting, but I actually just don't need to do it at all.
Unknown speaker 12:22
Like it all could just be a follow-up email, right? And that's fine. Like it doesn't need to be anything more than that. It can just be that. And it doesn't make the class less valuable. It doesn't make my showing up for my students less valuable.
Unknown speaker 12:37
It makes my life a thousand percent easier. It takes one massive thing off my to-do list every couple of weeks, right? So it's a huge change for me and a positive. They will not feel any difference at all because they are not going to know the old system.
Unknown speaker 12:53
And the new system is still going to come with all the same information I've ever wanted to give them. And that's great, right? That's all they need is that. So I want you to take some time to make a list of things you haven't gotten done and then be brutally honest with yourself.
Unknown speaker 13:11
Are these things that actually need to happen or not? And if they are and they need to happen regularly, what are we doing about that? How are we making 2026 an easier way to step in to the business things that you need to do?
Unknown speaker 13:24
And maybe that is with some support. I mean, I am a biased coach, right? But maybe you need some coaching. Also, maybe you need some systems. Also, maybe you need some automations. Also, maybe you need to not put stuff in a notebook that doesn't need to be in a notebook.
Unknown speaker 13:40
Like maybe there are some ways that you can make your life easier that you're not doing right now that 2026 is the year to do that shit. Okay. All right. So remember that we're kind of on a end of year reflection sort of journey here.
Unknown speaker 13:53
We have a couple more weeks left until 2026, which is blowing my actual mind. And you're going to hear this kind of stuff every single week. I have continued to put in the show notes the ask a question one, the form you can fill out to ask a question, because I want you to ask questions.
Unknown speaker 14:11
And I want to start doing the Friday episodes in 2026. We're going to do them a lot more regularly, probably every other Friday or so. But we need more questions to come in in order to do that. So submit a question and I will answer it on one of our Friday episodes.
Unknown speaker 14:26
All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Doula Tips and Tits Podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Haradoula so we can celebrate alongside you.
Unknown speaker 14:45
If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.
Unknown speaker 14:57
This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
Unknown speaker 15:09
We'll see you again soon.
ASK A QUESTION!!! My plan is to start Friday Q&A (we need a new name, I know!) but first I need your questions! Submit them using the form below:
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/ask-me-a-question
Today’s podcast episode is a challenge… are you truly behind on tasks or simply expecting too much from yourself? Today we evaluate our “failures” of 2025 and in doing so also evaluate our self-expectations!
Quote from the show:
“I think doulas honestly give too much oftentimes. And we've talked about this before, right? Like you and I have had this chat of like we are, we tend to be overgivers, you know, but what happens in that overgiving is that we actually forget that we need our own support, right? … And I think one of the things that we have to really lean into is how are we actually setting ourselves up to be overworked and underpaid and therefore burnt out, right? Like again, going back to this burnout situation that is so insanely prevalent in birth workers because we have work that is very hard.”
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/
If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula
Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Doula Biz Blueprint Self-Paced Class for Doulas Launching Successful and Sustainable Businesses!
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
