Having a Soft Life As a Doula

• Transcript

  00:04

  Welcome to Doula Tips and Tips. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about Doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born, 12, nearly 13 years ago.

  00:23

  I am a birth and postpartum Doula childbirth educator, La Leche League leader and a Doula coach. I love guiding and supporting Doulas as they work out their Doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way.

  00:36

  Thank you for joining us on this journey. Welcome back to Doula Tips and Tips. Today I want to talk to you a little bit about the soft life. Now I have to give credit for this phrase to my, the Doula that I coach named Tavia.

  00:53

  She said to to our group coaching at one point early on in the last cohort, I want to have that soft life. And we were all like, yes, yes, me too, Tavia. Right? Like I also want that soft life. And it's got me thinking a little bit about how we hold our businesses as Do112ulas to a different standard than we hold other businesses to.

  01:20

  Right? And what I mean when I say that is we often kind of look negatively at the fact that we have success or the fact that we make money or the fact that we live a good soft life. Right? Like, like I think the online business world gets a little bit of a bad rap in that it's like full of hoaxes or full of like gimmicks or really like salesy and gross and sleazy or like, you know, not actually providing the resources and the value that we hear, but, but like just getting people to pay money for things that are not as good as they think they're going to be.

  01:58

  Right? And then truth is that is happening in some businesses. That is happening in some doula businesses. If you are a doula for a while, you will hear about some real crappy doulas and it always makes me very sad because I'm like you are literally shining a bad light on all of us by doing a shit job of this work right?

  02:20

  And so I could do a whole episode on my frustrations with terrible doulas. But I think what I want you to think about instead is why if you have feelings about having a soft life, why is that? Like what is your hesitation in that?

  02:41

  Why does it feel bad to charge lots of money right? Or to charge a good amount of money? What feels like too much and what feels like too little right? Because some of that work is in our work from our childhoods and from our up bringing in from our socializing and from our previous careers and things like that.

  03:02

  If you live in the DC area, you basically see anything under 100 ,000 as low income because it costs a small fortune to live in this area. So if you make less than $100 ,000, it is a struggle in many ways to live here, right?

  03:19

  That is part of why we have a Medicaid system in the city that has a much higher threshold than most states Medicaid systems, right? We have social services that are available like things like free farmers markets that you don't even have to show any proof of anything.

  03:39

  You just come and get free vegetables because the threshold of poverty is higher given the fact that the cost of living is so high. So someone could have a full time job with a salary of like $40 ,000 a year and really struggle to survive even with like benefits and paid time off and all of that stuff that we sort of classify as like a successful career because this area just costs a small fortune to live in.

  04:10

  And the reality is that in terms of labor market at the moment, there's a wide range of what people's careers and professions make. And the thing is that if we are then just stuck in that career or professions amount of money, we are in a powerless position, right?

  04:30

  Like we're in this spot where it's like, well, I'm a teacher and teachers only make this much and so therefore I only make this much. And again, not saying anything negative about anyone's profession.

  04:42

  However, if you own your own business, you set limits or not, right? Like if we want to think about an income ceiling or advancement ceiling, you can get to decide if there's a freaking sunroof in your business that opens and you climb the F out of that building and build a couple new stories on it, right?

  05:08

  And if you had talked to me about this two years ago, I would have been like, no way will I ever bring in more than a hundred thousand dollars. How would I even do that? Like what would that even look like?

  05:18

  I can't even fathom what that looks like and means. And now I'm already past that, right? And so I'm like, oh, it doesn't look like needing to like only serve clients that can pay me ten thousand dollars.

  05:36

  It also just looks like having a wider range of services that I offer. It also looks like, you know, making sure that I'm investing in my business in the way that's strategic and helpful and not using money on things that I don't need in my business, right?

  05:51

  And there is still growth for me. Like I have by no means arrived at the final knowing of all the things around money or around expansion or around the soft life by any stretch, right? But also I have learned a lot about the ability to be expansive and how the limits on that in our heads are not real.

  06:18

  Right? And so if you're thinking to yourself, you know, Kaylee as a doula, I could never charge more than X. Why is that? Why can you never charge more than X? And maybe sit with that, like sit with that discomfort, sit with the feeling of like, oh, how do I feel about charging that much money?

  06:39

  How do I feel about charging less than that? How do I feel about getting paid less than I can live on? How do I feel about having a business that I run that I pay myself poorly for? How do I feel about that?

  06:56

  Like how do I feel about how I am setting my own life up? And I think things like wanting to take trips with your children or, you know, wanting to have like a good savings account, wanting to be able to be generous and kind and give to people who are in need, those are good and lovely and wonderful things, right?

  07:17

  The soft life doesn't have to be selfish. It can be beautiful for so many people around you. And I think when we think about our businesses thriving, we do often think about selfishness, like just wealth for wealth's sake.

  07:31

  And the reality is that we are then coming to that with so many thoughts about money that are holding our business back and it's important to undo some of that. It's important to sit with it and to decide like, where do I feel comfortable here and where do I not feel comfortable and how does it look for me to be in a state of expansiveness and be able to kind of Imagine my dream of this business being bigger than I think it can be and Why am I the one telling myself?

  08:05

  I can't do bigger things, right? Like if someone said to my my kiddo like one of my kids like I don't think you can do that I'd be like who are you to tell them they can't do this thing? I'm not saying like I am not the parent.

  08:18

  That's like anything you put your mind to like that's not real, right? Like if you're super uncoordinated, you're not gonna be a famous dancer probably If you like trip over yourself, right? Like maybe don't have that be your goal but also if you're if you know that you're starting at a disadvantage and you're like I don't care how clumsy I am right now.

  08:39

  I want to be a dancer I will support the hell out of you, right? Because I'm like let's do it like let's change people's minds Let's break barriers, right? Like let's smash these ceilings. I'm for that stuff, right?

  08:55

  in your business You do that to yourself. We do that to ourselves. And it is important that we stop. It is vital to the success and sustainability of our business that we stop gaslighting ourselves and shooting ourselves down and putting boxes around the parameters of the business that do not have to be there.

  09:17

  And keeping ourselves in this like caged place in terms of business growth and expansion when there are wild dreams out there that you haven't even dreamt yet that can be your reality. And that can be lovely and wonderful and awesome and does not have to be bad.

  09:37

  Okay. So that is my pep talk apparently. Here we are at the end of that pep talk. I want to invite you again to my January class. So do the money mindset. How to feel good about charging more money. It is happening on January 10th at 1pm Eastern.

  09:57

  It is a free class aimed at doulas. You will have time to ask questions at the end. I am so so excited to connect with you about money and money mindset and how to really feel good about what you're charging and how you're charging it in 2024.

  10:15

  The link to sign up for that class is in the show notes or you can connect with me on Instagram at herrawdoula and I'm happy to give you instructions on signing up. And I cannot wait to see you there.

  10:27

  In the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at herradoula so we can celebrate alongside you.

  10:46

  If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.

  10:59

  This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.

  11:11

  We'll see you again soon.

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Money is something that many people don’t like to talk about, but why not talk about it in the sense of your business? I know it can be scary to think about charging more, especially because business owners tend to undercharge their worth, but let’s work up to living the soft life. 

Quote from the show:

“The soft life doesn't have to be selfish. It can be beautiful for so many people around you. And I think when we think about our businesses thriving, we do often think about selfishness, like just wealth for wealth's sake. And the reality is that we are then coming to that with so many thoughts about money that are holding our business back and it's important to undo some of that. It's important to sit with it and to decide like, where do I feel comfortable here and where do I not feel comfortable and how does it look for me to be in a state of expansiveness and be able to kind of Imagine my dream of this business being bigger than I think it can be and Why am I the one telling myself?”

Are you looking to GROW your doula business? We have our next doula business webinar on January 10th at 1pm EST. Sign up below:

https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/doula-money-mindset 

CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or  Instagram

https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach

https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/

If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula

Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay