Let’s Talk Doula Burnout (Again)
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Transcript
00:04
Welcome to Dula Tips and Tits, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven.
00:20
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
00:36
Welcome back to Dula Tips and Tits. Today we're talking about burnout again because it matters a lot. And I think we are a unique field as doulas that it kind of comes and goes, right? So instead of just being like, I have burnout or I don't, you like teeter in and out of burnout a ton of different times in my humble experience and opinion, right?
01:04
Why do I think this is important to continue to revisit? For one, it is still a thing. It's always a thing. We as doulas are over givers, right? We generally identify as very empathetic people. We are people who are like, I have food.
01:20
You don't have food. Let me give you some of mine. Right? Like there is this like, this like, I will help in a scenario where help is needed piece of us. That is part of our magic in this role, right?
01:34
That also means we sometimes lack our own boundaries and rest priorities, right? Now, burnout is a thing in 2025 in part because our country is on fire, right? We have a whole freaking dumpster fire of a political system right now.
02:00
There's that if you live in the great city of DC, like I do, you're just constantly inundated with political information and despair. And the impact that that is going to have and has already had on things like maternal mortality issues, justice and equity around access to fertility care and abortion access and things like that is life threatening, right?
02:29
And so, you know, there's, there's just, I'm just saying that to say there are some real valid reasons to have burnout and fatigue in the great year of 2025. However, I want you to take a second to do some self reflection.
02:44
So just right here with me, take a minute, take a nice deep breath in and think, okay, how am I feeling? What's, how's my body? Right? How am I feeling? All right. I can tell you personally, I am recording this in June, as you know, because I try to do the least amount of work I possibly can in July, and I am definitely bumping up against burnout.
03:15
Not burnout in my whole business, but fatigue from being on call. So at the moment that I am recording this, I do still have births left for June. And I have two babies that are due still in June. And there's a piece of me that's kind of like, ooh, go ahead and have your baby, but also like, please don't have your baby.
03:35
Like this, you know the feeling that's like, I want it to be over and also like, I don't want it to happen. It's not that I'm not actually excited for the births because I am, and I love going to births, but it's the feeling every single night that I go to sleep, not knowing if I'm going to sleep all night.
03:56
That is the part that I'm noticing, right? And so I'm kind of like, okay, you know, this baby's going to come, and then they can only come once, like all of those like sort of affirmations, right? But I feel that in myself, and this is exactly why when you're listening to this podcast, I am off call because my body and brain and emotions need it, right?
04:26
I need some time when no one is going to call me at 2 a.m. And I mean, there's really never that time, but the likelihood of it is much lower, right? Overgiving is a very big temptation in our line of work, right?
04:48
There is a big pull to overgive. And honestly, some of our clients will take advantage of that, right? Like ideal clients should want you to. to take good care of yourself. But some clients will suck you dry if you let them.
05:07
And I think part of what I think about in this work is we can be heart-centered doulas, heart-led business owners, and also have good boundaries. I had a conversation with a friend a while back who is a past doula client.
05:29
That's how we first got introduced to each other in a childbirth education class, actually. And she thought I was hilarious, which is amazing, because she's also hilarious. And we have a great time together.
05:44
But she was like, your jokes are awesome. You're such a great fit for me. So she and I were chatting. I had a client reach out to me while I was at her house. And that client said, is there any way you could do a weekend shift, like a postpartum shift?
06:01
And I said to my friend, okay, I need you to doula me for a second. And she was laughing. And I said, I'm trying really hard not to say yes to Sunday obligations when I don't teach a class because I teach a class, usually two Sundays a month.
06:19
So like, already, I only have two Sundays free, right? And I'm trying really hard not to give those away to people when I don't need to, like when it's not a birth or something like that. And she was like, don't say yes to that.
06:31
Like, is that person like in really, like, is it an emergency shift? Are they like dealing with some major medical stuff, you know, is there like mental health issues happening? No, none of that. Okay, then no, you can go to her on Tuesday, go on Tuesday, you know.
06:47
And then on Sunday of that week, she reached out to me and said, hey, I hope you're not at that client's house. Did you say yes? Did you say yes to her? No to her. And I said, no, I said, no, I said, no, I held my boundary.
07:00
I was, I think, shopping with my daughter instead, you know, so I was like, no, I held my boundary. I'm not. I'm not working. I'm hanging out with my family. But I think it is easy when we set our own restrictions, right?
07:16
Like, if a company says to you, you can only work from nine to five. And then at five oh one, you must stop working and you can't take work home from you and you are home with you. And you can't do anything between five p.m.
07:33
and nine a.m. the next day. There's like a very clear boundary there. And still some people struggle with that, right? But in our work, when we work for ourselves, we sort of have unlimited ability to give ourselves away.
07:50
And that is bad, right? Like, it's really bad that we're. we have the option to be like, well, technically I do have four hours on Sunday. No, you don't. You're not allowed to work on Sunday. Sunday's your day off.
08:04
That needs to be a strict boundary in our business. And I think what it also does is reminds our clients that this is an actual job. I had a client once say to me, I sent them my calendar to book a prenatal visit.
08:27
And, and it was mostly daytime hours. And I had a client say, Oh, I mean, we have full-time jobs. And I was like, yeah, me too. Like I also have a full-time job. It's due to work. Like your OB is not, it's not coming in on Saturdays because you work.
08:50
You are figuring out going to your OB. During your your job, right? And I'm not saying you can't ever have evening and weekend hours. But what I am saying is It is normal to separate our work life and our family life and like have some Separation and some balance there have some time for rest have some time for play have some time For just nothing like some literally just boring ass time in your life.
09:20
That's important But if we think about this our doula work as like a fun little side project or like not a real job We're not going to set those kind of boundaries and we're certainly not gonna be like well I'm only allowed to work a maximum of 40 hours a week.
09:38
So if I go to a birth that's 37 hours I've already worked a full week of work Like we don't do a good job of doing that and I realize it's not as easy as just being like, all right I'm gonna cancel everything for the rest of the week.
09:52
I get that and I'm saying because of that we need to have Strong boundaries because there is a piece of our work that is incredibly unpredictable and due to that fact We need those strong boundaries during the predictable times, right?
10:13
So one thing I did I do I have for the last couple summers is Is I have an email responder on my email and it starts tomorrow because tomorrow is when school gets out here, well while I'm recording this and so It starts tomorrow and it goes through the end of August and it says It's summertime and it the title that the subject line is like a little Sun and it's like summertime response Something like that and it says hey I just want to let you know that in the summer I spend as much time as possible with my children and so I I still check email,
10:53
I still do work, but expect me to get back to you much slower. If this is an emergency or if you are a client and need some information from me, please text me or call me because I'm not going to see this email very fast.
11:06
And so if you want me to see it in the next day or two, you need to text me instead. So that is going to be emailed out to every single person who emails me between tomorrow and the end of August because that's part of how I show the boundary that I have.
11:25
It's also part of how I set expectations, right? If you know like, oh, hey, that business closes at four and opens again at 8 a.m., then if you email them at 7 30, you don't expect to hear from them until sometime tomorrow because they're closed, right?
11:44
So if as a doula, you're like, hey. I don't respond to emails after 10 p.m. or after 5 p.m. or whatever, that's important for you to do and to actually do that. Now again, again, the beauty and joy of business that is owned by you and all the rules are set by you is that you can have some flexibility.
12:12
So, I can do work at 10 p.m. if I want to, if that works for me as long as I'm also taking good care of myself, right? But I don't have to do work at 10 p.m. and certainly my clients shouldn't have the expectation that I'm available to them for random stuff at 10 p.m.
12:32
That's not like an emergency or the baby's coming, right? So, that's what I'm talking about here is like how are you setting up your boundaries and your parameters, right? Your extra space, so to speak, so that there is an expectation.
12:52
That's a realistic expectation that you, my friend, do not work 24-7. No one does. No one should, right? But you're not just always available because you don't have a store with open and close times, you know?
13:08
Now, how you actually do this is different person to person. My homework for you today is I want you to choose one boundary or rest practice that you are going to implement. Choose just one. If you choose like six, you're going to fail at all of them.
13:29
Our bodies and brains can't do that. And that frustrates me, to be honest with you, like I want my brain to be able to do that. I'm like, I'm going to change every bad habit I've ever had today, right?
13:41
That is my personality, a thousand percent, and it is never, it's never successful. and I don't think it ever will be, to be honest with you. So choose one, a boundary or a self-care practice that you are gonna commit to, and then send me a message on Instagram at haraadula about it so I can cheer you on and I can celebrate you and I can remind you of the absolute badass that you are in the world of birth and babies,
14:16
okay? All right, I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Dula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at haraadula so we can celebrate alongside you.
14:38
If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.
14:50
This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
15:02
We'll see you again soon.
ASK A QUESTION!!! My plan is to start Friday Q&A (we need a new name, I know!) but first I need your questions! Submit them using the form below:
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/ask-me-a-question
Burnout in birth work isn’t a one-time event—it’s a cycle. In this episode, I’m talking real talk about overgiving, boundary fatigue, and why rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a survival tool. Whether you’re slipping down that burnout slide or just want to prevent the crash, this one’s a must-listen.
Quote from the show:
“Why do I think this is important to continue to revisit? For one, it is still a thing. It's always a thing. We as doulas are over-givers, right? We generally identify as very empathetic people. We are people who are like, I have food. That also means we sometimes lack our own boundaries and rest priorities, right? Now, burnout is a thing in 2025 in part because our country is on fire, right? We have a whole freaking dumpster fire of a political system right now. There's that if you live in the great city of DC, like I do, you're just constantly inundated with political information and despair. And the impact that that is going to have and has already had on things like maternal mortality issues, justice and equity around access to fertility care and abortion access and things like that is life threatening, right? And so, you know, there's, there's just, I'm just saying that to say there are some real valid reasons to have burnout and fatigue in the great year of 2025. However, I want you to take a second to do some self reflection.”
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/
If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula
Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Doula Biz Blueprint Self-Paced Class for Doulas Launching Successful and Sustainable Businesses!
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
