What Happens If I Don’t Know Everything?

Apr 21

Description text goes herKaely Harrod 00:04
Welcome to doula Tips and Tips. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Herat. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, la leche league leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business it is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Hello, welcome back. Today we are diving into what happens if I don't know everything now, this might sound super vague and that is because it is. Um, I want to talk about this in context of all different kinds of doula work. So let's say for instance, you have a birth doula and they're your very first birth doula client, not birth doula. As a doula you have your very first birth doula client and you are gearing up for your first prenatal and you're kind of like, what if they asked me a question? I don't know the answer to right. And I want to I'm gonna give you some some answers to that. The other side of this is, let's say you're a postpartum doula. And you're like, Okay, I'm gonna start going to this overnight or doing this date time shift. And I am thinking the same thing. What if they asked me a question, and I don't actually know the answer. That's okay. Okay, that is fine. Here's what I want you to remember. First of all, nobody, even experts know everything about their field, right? There is not a time when someone has arrived at full and complete knowledge of one single subject, there is always something to learn and grow in. So you not knowing the answer to something is okay. It's normal. Lots of us have to look things up. Lots of us don't know the answer. I regularly have students ask me the most random questions that I'm like, I don't know that. And maybe I'm gonna go down a rabbit trail of finding that info Meishan out now, because you're the first person that's ever asked me that in my life. And so I want to know what the answer is, and then I will share it with you. And they are perfectly happy with that. Nobody expects you to know, every single thing. Now, aside from that just affirmation of like, I don't know everything. And that's okay, which I think is, you know, worthwhile all on its own. I also want you to think about a couple different things to sort of set yourself up well, right. So let's say you're going into a prenatal visit. And you're like, Oh, what if they have like questions about the birth plan or questions about this thing, or that thing, or whatever, I would say a few different things. One is set the tone, the expectation, that you are collecting their questions to be able to respond to them, and that you're kind of sharing information. So it's sort of a both, both of those things, right. So one thing that I do after prenatal visits, is send some follow up information. Now this is, excuse me, this is true, no matter what the I always say, like, okay, you know, I'm gonna send you, you're gonna get an email from me, at the end of this visit, and we're, you know, it's gonna have whatever, whatever, whatever in it. So, if you say, right from the beginning, I want you to know that at the end of this time together, I'm gonna, like send you information about the things you have questions on, we're going to make sure you kind of have a well rounded, understanding of stuff, etc, then you're also setting them up with the expectation that what you're not doing is answering every single question they possibly have today. Because a maybe you don't know all the answers to those questions today and be there's probably not time for that in one single prenatal visit. So that's one way to sort of feel like you don't have to say, I don't know, but you can say I'm going to, I'm going to send you some information about that thing, right. The other thing is going in with some prep work of some of the most important things so I think if you're going in to help them write a birth plan, you need to like have researched birth plans a bit right? And so have a sense of what people put on them and why that's a good idea for you to do as a birth doula regardless, so you can do some education to set yourself up. And also don't worry that you have to know every single item, right? But what I don't mean is please go into a prenatal visit not even knowing what a birthday is no don't do that either. But I know that that's not what you're doing. So that's what we're really talking about when we answer this question. So in terms of postpartum care, I think there's a few different things to keep in mind. One, there is a lot of nuance babies are individual people. And there is not just one answer to most questions. Okay. So one super important thing that I cannot emphasize enough is that you need to know that there is a wide range of answers to most questions. That means you need to have that context. And you need to be able to help your families also have that context. So let's say for instance, there, someone's saying to you, oh, what do you think I should do about naps? Is it okay for a baby to sleep on me? Or should I always put them in their bed? It depends, right? How are you doing with the baby sleeping on you. Some people do every single nap as a contact nap. That's what we call a nap when a baby is on you. Some people do every single nap with the baby in the bed. Some people do every single nap with the baby in like a like a bassinet or something like that. That's like not their crib, but like still not on the person, right? But neither of those are right or wrong. As long as they're all being done safely. There are lots of variety of right choices in that scenario. So in that case, you don't need to know what, which version to tell the people to do. You need to know how to help them figure that out. So that's a different kind of skill set where it's not like you come in with a bunch of facts. But you come in with the ability to be like, Well, how do you feel about contact naps? Like do you love them, because if you love them, and you're just worried that you're like messing your kid up, you're not messing your kid up, and it's okay that you love them. And it's okay to keep doing them. If you're kind of like, I hate contact naps, and I'm like so tired myself and I want to be able to sleep or I want to be able to shower, then we can talk about maybe let's find some strategies to help your baby sleep better in the bassinet, right or in the bed or whatever. So part of that is not so much you having the right facts. And it is you having the skill set to read the situation and provide an unbiased as unbiased as possible kind of spectrum of responses. Okay. The other thing is, let's say you're going in very first postpartum visit with someone that gave birth, like, you know, two days ago, then I think as a postpartum doula, you need to have a basic knowledge of the two days postpartum time, right. So you at least have a sense of like, that's normal, or this is not normal, or I think you should be doing that or this or whatever. It doesn't mean that you have to have a robust personal experience with the second day postpartum, right, but have a sense of like, how frequently should they be bleeding? Or should their pain be worse today? Or better today? If they had a C section? Like, should they be able to walk up the stairs or not? Right? What kind of restrictions would they have on them? That is part of how you prepare yourself. However, let's say you get to a postpartum shift. And someone's like, you know, I really want to eat bananas, but I'm not sure if they're going to be good or bad for my stomach, then you could be like, I'm not sure either. Let me look that up. And I as a doula, and as a parent, who has now almost 13 years of experience in child rearing, I look things up almost every time I'm with a client, because I don't know everything. That's none of us know, everything. Right? However, now, I feel fine about that. I used to be like, Oh, it'll look that up. I should know. I guess I should know that answer. And now I'm like, I don't know that. Let me look it up. Right. And I'm not saying I'm the standard because I am not what I'm saying is I want to normalize the fact that none of us know everything. And even those of us who are incredibly experienced still look stuff up all the time. Okay, now, I am going to dive into on another episode, like what sorts of things in terms of resources, I think are helpful. So in order to just kind of get you started on like, where are you even finding credible information that is super important. But I wanted to just spend today kind of talking through how it's completely normal to not know everything and how to sort of manage that. So I also realized that this has a lot of nuance, so I would really, really love to be able to talk this out with you a bit. Now I know I have said this on past episodes. So if you are listening through a couple of different episodes, you're going to hear this multiple times. But I would love for you to connect with me. The easiest way to do that is on Instagram or on Tik Tok and both of that but Both of those links, that information is all in the show notes. Also, if
Kaely Harrod 10:03
you love this podcast, the very best thing for me is for you to leave a review because it's so helpful for other people to find the podcast, if there is a review or rating, now it's different on every platform, but if you're listening from Apple, which I know most people are, then you can actually just do a quick reading there or add a review if you feel so inclined. I will be so happy to see that and also I will be happy to share it and kind of give you some exposure to so until next time, I wish you wonderful, lovely doula experiences. We'll talk soon.
Kaely Harrod 10:50
Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Herat doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around
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Being a new doula can make you feel a lot of imposter syndrome anyway, but when you feel the need to know absolutely everything that does NOT help! Everything is not something that anyone knows! A new doula or otherwise.

There are a few things that I want to get across here. One is that you absolutely do not need to know everything. No one knows everything. Even experts! There’s a reason we have access to evidence and studies and we’re all always learning more!

One key to remember is that you DO know more than you think you do! You also have credible resources from training and books and online resources. So there are strategies that make you feel a little less like you don’t know. I suggest saying things like “I’m going to look up the evidence on that and send it to you!” And then actually do that! That will help you grow and learn as well as helping your clients.

Key Takeaways: