What Kind of Emotional Support Do YOU Need?

• Transcript

  00:04

  Welcome to Doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaely Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, La Leche League Leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey.

  00:42

  We all need encouragement in our lives. And as doulas, we are no different. Now, I will say that that ranges for doulas and what kind of encouragement we need, what kind of support we need in this work and after this work. But today's question that we're diving into together is what kind of emotional and relational support does a doula need? Now? There are lots of different layers to this, right. Like for everything you we could go to saying like, you know, family, friends, partners, etc, etc. But the reality is that I think we can kind of group the kind of support that doulas need into a couple different categories. One, someone who loves you, and can encourage you and can listen to you without being critical. Okay, so for me that that person is my mom, she really loves hearing from me when I'm on my way to a birth on my way back from a birth, she loves hearing what was great, what was not so great.

  01:45

  What was hard, how tired I am, she loves me enough to want to keep me awake. She's incredibly encouraging. She almost always she's a person that's always like, Has anyone told you today that you're an excellent mother? Has anyone told you today that you're an amazing doula, your clients are so lucky to have you. So this is the kind of encouragement right that I get from her specifically, it does not need to be your mother. Obviously, not everyone has that. But I will say you need someone in your life who can listen to you who can celebrate with you, and who's emotionally centered on you and, and able to support you in that way. The other person I think you need to be able to like debrief with and have some camaraderie in is other doulas because you need people who understand the things of birth. So like, my darling husband knows more about birth now than he ever did when we were having children. And part of that is that, you know, we had C sections and we had other complications. So he knows a bit more about the NICU than most people maybe because we had a baby there. But he, like doesn't know about pushing from me because I didn't ever push vaginally I contracted. But it also was contracting trying to get labor to stop most of the time because of my health issues that we were having. And so he doesn't have the experience of really training to be my support and labor. So there are times when I am like, oh, man, she was three centimeters. And then like 10 minutes later, she's feeling the urge to push and they're like, No way. Right? And he's kind of like, oh, yeah, wow. Okay.

  03:31

  All the while, sort of like half understanding what I'm saying, right? So bless his heart. He knows more than he maybe has ever wanted to know about birth. But also, he doesn't really fully appreciate some of those details where like, if I tell another doula, like, Oh, she was three centimeters, and then like, all of a sudden needing to push a baby was out there like, oh my gosh, right. They can really like, encourage me in their response. And also feel the frustration I feel when something is kind of like happening that you're like, ah, gosh, that thing. I hate it when that happens. Right? Like, That's so frustrating. And so that kind of camaraderie is there when you're talking to someone who's familiar with the work that you have? Okay. Another person I think that you need relationally is someone who believes in your big dreams. Now, this doesn't need to be a family member doesn't need to be someone who's related to you can be a business coach, it can be even like influencers around business. Some of the folks that I love to follow online or sometimes this who were just like you're a small business owner, and I have a word of encouragement for you today. That's not like they're not saying hey, Kaely I'm so glad that I got to talk to you today, right? But they're saying, Hey, if you're a small business owner and kind of discouraged right now, I see you and that goes a really long way. Because being a small business

  05:00

  Zona is sometimes incredibly lonely. And so that's really important as well. Like you need the aspect of business supported. Just like you need the aspect of your yourself as a person supported and you need someone who understands what you're talking about when you're talking about birth and client stuff, who can even just like listen and empathize and be a good, like, responsive help right. Now that that's really the into the answer. That is the answer to the question that I started off with. In this episode. However, I want to add a little asterix here at the end. Because I think just as important as it is to have the people that we do talk to about this stuff, it's also important to know who to not talk to about this stuff. And so I just want to encourage you to take a quick minute, and just like take an assessment of who in your life is super negative about your work as a doula, and I'm hoping that that list is non existent or incredibly short.

  06:03

  The reality is, that there are going to be people in your life sometimes who don't understand why you own a business. Don't understand why you're a doula, right.

  06:14

  I think about like, thankfully, I don't have many of these folks in my life at this point. But I do think there was a lot of people in my life initially, who didn't really think it was a good idea that I was trying to branch out into my own business right away, right, where now I've sort of established that my business is working, and I'm doing this well, and I'm making a good living. And so I think there's a different kind of understanding of what this success looks like for me. And in some ways, in some people's minds, I may be an exception to the rule, because I'm like succeeding at this. But that's not typical, right? Like, if that's their sort of bent towards negativity.

  06:55

  So what I like to tell people when I'm talking to them in the postpartum time, is that, like postpartum families is that they want to have some folks who will encourage them, who share similar ideals to them, or who just are going to be encouraging and not critical. And that's important, because like, if you have a rough day, and you know, you're hanging out with your newborn, and let's say you're a person who, who lets the baby eat on demand, for instance, then you're doing that. And then you maybe vent to a friend who very much believes that maybe you should be eating on a schedule. And you're like, oh, gosh, the eating on demand thing is just a lot today, because sometimes it is, it's a lot, right? And then that friend is like, yeah, that's why you shouldn't do it.

  07:49

  That is super unhelpful, right? Like so, so, so unhelpful. And so in the same vein, I want you to think about like, okay, if I'm like, Ah, maybe I shouldn't own my own business. And then I go talk to my friend who thinks small business owners are all crazy. That's not helpful, right? So I want you to take like, some stock in some time to think through like, Hey, who are my people, right, who can support me in these various ways. And also, who are my people that I don't want support from in these ways doesn't mean that they're not amazing friends, doesn't mean they're not lovely family members. It means that they're not the people to encourage you when you're feeling like you can't do it. Okay. Now, I will say that I am fully aware that if you're in an area where there aren't that many doulas, or you're really new to this work, and you don't know many doulas, you might not have someone birth workwise to add to your team. And I would love, love, love, love to connect with you on Instagram and hear about the births that you attend. Hear about what's encouraging about this podcast. I really love connecting with people. And part of my work as a doula coach is just that is being the listening ear is being the person saying, oh my gosh, I can't believe you're gonna do that birth. I can't believe that birth went so well. I'm so excited for you, right? Or to say like, you're headed into a really hard one like I am here. Let me know if you need anything and to check on you at the end of that, right. Like, that is all part of what I do. Because the reality is that that's how people need to be supported in this work. It's not so simple as just saying like, Hey, you're a business owner. do XYZ Check, check, check, check, check. That's all. No, the emotional part of it as you're supporting your clients is a huge piece of what I do and what I think is so valuable to this work. So to end this episode, I want to first say, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I have a super fun thing to share that this podcast has grown

  10:00

  Not doubled, if not tripled, but quadrupled in the last five months. And that's you guys, like you're listening to this, you're who has helped it grow. This is a free bit of education that I love putting out into the world that I want duelists to continue to grow and learn from. The best way for them to do that is for you to share it with people. Either share it on social media, or leave a review on whatever app you're listening to the podcast on. Leave a rating if that's what your app allows you to do. Anything like that gets in front of more doulas and helps more listeners find this information. I would so appreciate your support in that way. If you feel inclined to share, share today, like what you loved about today, what was your favorite bit of this episode, or share your favorite episode from the past? We are at over 127 episodes now. So there's loads of stuff to listen to. And I'm really excited to hear from you and to see your kind words and to read those reviews so I can share them with the world. Alright, until next time, we'll talk soon.

  11:16

  Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Doula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Herat doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around

Doulas need emotional and relational encouragement just as much as any other person. But this work is especially taxing in how you give of yourself for the type of support you are giving to clients. While we need those skills in all of life to really decipher who is a good support person that is really vital for doulas. This episode outlines what types of support every doula needs to have on their team.

First, an emotional support you loves you dearly, can listen well, can empathize when things are hard but not right away try to steer you away from doula work! 

Second, you need other doulas who know the lingo and the context of what you’re sharing and can kind of meet you where you are in those things! 

Third, you need someone who believes in your BIG DREAMS! I mean the really really big ones. If you mainly have support people who can’t quite see as big of a dream as you have then they are going to be nervous for you chasing your big dreams rather than helping you get there.

It’s also just as vital to know who to NOT get emotional support from!

Quote from the show:

“I think just as important as it is to have the people that we do talk to about this stuff, it's also important to know who to not talk to about this stuff. And so I just want to encourage you to take a quick minute, and just like take an assessment of who in your life is super negative about your work as a doula, and I'm hoping that that list is non-existent or incredibly short..”

Key Takeaways:

• Think carefully about all the various types of support that you may need

• Start to utilize those people in your life!

• Also consider who NOT to utilize in this specific way!

CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or  Instagram

https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach

https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/

If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula

Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay