What Not to Say in a Doula Consultation
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00:04
Welcome to doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born, 12, nearly 13 years ago.
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I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, La Leche League leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their Doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way.
00:36
Thank you for joining us on this journey. Welcome back to doula Tips and Tits. Today is a what not to do episode. So we have been talking a bit in the last couple episodes about the energy that you bring in your work, the energy that you bring to the consultations, the way that you interact with prospective clients.
00:56
And today we're going to talk a little bit about things that you should not do and say. This also translates over to things you should not write in your bio, right? I want to just encourage you that if you have taken the time to dig into the last episode about showcasing your relevant non doula experience and skills, then you should have some really killer phrases or thoughts around why you do what you do, even if you haven't done it yet.
01:35
And let me explain what I mean. So if you haven't been present in a birth room yet, but you're planning to be a birth doula and people are interviewing you as a birth doula, you need to talk about how you are going to show up without saying, well, I've never done it.
01:51
But when I do, I'm gonna do X, right? That is not helpful. You can be amazing at what you're doing, even if this is your your first time doing it. You don't need to say that, okay? So, I'm going to give you a quick little list of things that you should not say and why you should not say them, right?
02:15
The first is, I don't have much experience but I'm really eager to learn. Nobody wants to be your learning project, like this is not a scenario where someone is hiring you to learn how to be a doula with them.
02:26
Now, what you and I know, what I know very well and you're maybe starting to get is that you don't have to have a ton of experience to already be amazing at this job. Also, no matter how much experience you do have, you're always learning because there are things that happen and in births that the whole team might be like, I've never seen this.
02:50
Have you ever seen this? And even if you've been at hundreds of births, you might be like, nope, no, I have not. I have not seen that. I don't know what is happening right now. That was all of my January births, all of them.
03:02
And then my one February client that I did not even get to go to because of my freaking ankle, again, had scenarios that were like, none of us have ever seen this. Like this work is weird like that, right?
03:16
I keep saying I'm gonna write a book called, Birth is Weird. Don't steal that title from me, please. I need to maybe trademark it before I, lose the momentum so that I can actually write that book. But what I want you to think about is that you're not saying to them, like I have attended hundreds of births, right?
03:40
You're not lying. You're just not outright saying, I don't have any experience. Because that's not even true. Like you're coming to this work with training and experience that they don't have in terms of understanding the system and knowing like what to expect and different things that you can still bring to them, even if this is your first time being with a doula client, right?
04:05
So the next thing, you'll be my first client so we can learn together. Again, very similar to the first, absolutely no. No, no, no. They wanna learn from you, not with you. Now there are things that you're gonna learn alongside them.
04:18
I learn things alongside my clients every freaking day. That is just a part of this work. But I also feel absolutely no negative emotion about saying, I have never seen this before because I'm experienced.
04:32
So people know that I'm experienced. In fact, that I haven't seen it before has no reflection on how I am as a doula. So you don't have to act like you know everything. You don't have to act like you've done this a bunch of times, but you also don't need to say, oh, you'll be my very first client so we can learn together, right?
04:52
Again, don't lie to people, but you don't need to volunteer that information. It right away makes people nervous. rather than letting them kind of live in the space of resonating with you or connecting with you and feeling like you bring a calm presence to them, when let's be honest, you know a whole lot more than they know about this process.
05:12
Okay? Number three, I'm still figuring things out, but I'll do my best. No. I mean, some part of me is like, surely, surely you're already thinking to yourself. Kaylee, obviously, I would never say that, but I've heard people say some variation of this, like, well, I'm new, but you know, I'm like always learning and growing.
05:40
And I'm like, what does that even mean? Because when you say that to me, I'm like, oh, so I'm the one you're gonna mess up with so that next time you do a better job, you know? And I actually have this distinct memory from one of my first clients that, She was getting stitches.
06:02
She had a tear. She was getting stitches and she was at a teaching hospital. And the stitches were taking forever. And it was a resident doing the stitching. And the attending was like kind of, you know, commenting and making helpful remarks along the way.
06:22
And it's funny because in the moment, like my client was like hanging out with her baby and just like, Oh my gosh, my baby. I had my baby. I can't believe I did that. You know, she had an unmedicated birth.
06:31
So she was also like very alert and like aware and whatever. And she was well numbed in the place of the stitches. So she wasn't having pain there. But when I followed up with her later, she said to me, I was very aware that there was like a whole freaking sewing class going on between my legs.
06:50
And I was like, if I hear the attending say anything negative about this lady's sewing skills, I'm going to fire her from this job. And she was like, I look back at it and think, you know, all the vaginas that that doctor has sewn better because she sewed mine.
07:09
And it's funny because I am still in touch with this client. And so it was probably five years later that resident was then an attending at the same hospital. And actually I was in a birth with her again and she did a repair and did it super fast.
07:26
And it was like really well done very quick. And I was like, I had to text you and tell you like she has in fact gotten so much better. And she was just like, please tell her you're welcome. Like you're welcome that my vagina is what you learned on.
07:41
Right. And so what I mean when I say when the whole point of that story is that you are figuring things out. You are new to this. That's okay. Right. People are going to probably know that about you, but you don't need to breathe.
07:59
the energy of like I think I can do this but I'm not actually sure when you come to this space okay so another one that I would not say is I haven't attended many births yet but I am super passionate about this now if someone just straight up asks you how many births have you attended you should not lie to them right you should be clear about the experience that you have if that's what they're asking you however this is specifically talking about you offering up information so let's say someone says to you well when you have an induction how do you show up for that you don't need to say well I haven't had an induction yet you can say in an induction one of the really important things is patience because the beginning of the induction is long and boring and you're actually not in labor yet and so oftentimes we go in thinking I'm going on Tuesday I'm having a birth on Tuesday and really if you're going on Tuesday if you're going Tuesday morning you're probably having a Wednesday baby they're going Tuesday night it might be a Thursday baby right and so having that expectation is one of things that we work on prenatally so that you have clear a clear understanding of what you're walking into and then together we're deciding when and how I support you in the midst of that induction right that is an amazing answer to that and if I do say so myself I mean I'm not just like bigging myself up but it doesn't say every time I've ever gone to an induction the hundreds of inductions I've attended right it also doesn't say I don't know I've never been to an induction so I guess if you're induced we'll find out together how I show up at inductions because I'm not sure what that looks like yet right it's none of those it's none of those things and that's okay like it it is still a good answer it's still a truthful answer and it's answering what they're actually asking you they're not asking you to recount every induction you've ever attended I mean I've been to some insanely long like days days and days and days inductions nobody wants to hear about that in their doula consultation right nobody wants to hear about that on my website in my bio on my social media no no no so what I'm answering is the actual actual question they have which is how will you guide me through an induction regardless of if you have or have not guided anyone else through an induction okay so I would love to know what you would add to this list what are some things that you would say don't say that if you're new don't say that and and honestly I think part of it is giving yourself a bit of a pep talk ahead of time like I am gonna doula the hell out of these people right like I am the most amazing doula they could possibly hire and I'm amazing even though I'm not very experienced that's okay right like here I am killing it at this work that is what you can do ahead of time so that when you go in there you're not answering from that space of like oh I don't know if I know what I'm doing right like that nervous energy again that we use when we are kind of living in that imposter syndrome sort of space right so I would love to hear what you would add what are some things that you think should be added to this list it is obviously not extensive there are other things that you could definitely not say to a consultation And also, I would love to hear from you anyway.
11:54
I am over on Instagram the most, at Haradoula is my Instagram handle. If you have not yet heard, I have a free masterclass coming up on April 8th at 1pm Eastern, taught on Zoom, but live by yours truly, it will be one hour long.
12:12
And it's called client chemistry. So it's talking about getting clients and keeping clients that are a good fit for you, that thrive in your work, that help you thrive as a doula and also that then become repeat clients and referrals for other clients and all of that.
12:30
Like your client retention is huge in this work. And so that is what this whole masterclass is about. It is free, but there are limited spots. So I want you to sign up today so that you don't lose your chance to sign up for it.
12:48
The show notes have the sign up link, but if you cannot find it there, please go and find it on my Instagram or come over to Instagram and chat with me and I will just personally hand it to you. At Haradoula is where to find me.
13:02
I'm the one answering and chatting and commenting, etc. So we're interacting directly when you come over there. I would really love to hear from you and to hear what are some things you would add to this list.
13:13
Okay, I'll see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Haradoula so we can celebrate alongside you.
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If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.
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This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
13:57
We'll see you again soon.
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So you’re new to doula-ing and still trying to get those first couple of clients. Let’s dive into somethings not to say in a consultation. How to say “I’m new to doula-ing with not a lot of experience” but without giving all that away.
“The first is, I don't have much experience but I'm really eager to learn. Nobody wants to be your learning project, like this is not a scenario where someone is hiring you to learn how to be a doula with them. Now, what you and I know, what I know very well and you're maybe starting to get is that you don't have to have a ton of experience to already be amazing at this job. Also, no matter how much experience you do have, you're always learning because there are things that happen and in births that the whole team might be like, I've never seen this.”
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
