My First Doula Year Was a Dumpster Fire!
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Transcript
Unknown speaker 00:04
Welcome to Dula Tips and Tits, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven.
Unknown speaker 00:20
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
Unknown speaker 00:36
Welcome back to Dula Tips and Tits. I want to talk today about how my first year as a doula was an absolute dumpster fire. However, there are lessons to be learned from that year, right? Now, what I don't mean is it was a dumpster fire about how my clients were, like my clients are awesome.
Unknown speaker 01:00
So it wasn't them. It was me, right? And I remember very distinctly, there was a birth I attended. It was my first birth as a full-time doula. And I attended as a backup. And they didn't really want me there, right?
Unknown speaker 01:17
Like the client was going fast. I had really no context for that. So I was sort of like, things seemed to be picking up. And she literally, it was kind of funny because we have a really good relationship now.
Unknown speaker 01:27
But at the time she was like, do not let her come upstairs. She is not my doula. And I was like, that's fair. I was brand spanking new. And they had like a pretty experienced doula that they had chosen, right?
Unknown speaker 01:40
So for a while, that doula and I were at the birth together because the doula was kind of like, I'm not going to let her just like be here by herself, right? And she's like, let me just do like an introduction of you guys and it'll be fine, whatever.
Unknown speaker 01:56
And so that doula was also there, right? And I remember, asking her, how do you eat when you're at a birth? The reason I was at her client's birth in the first place is she had just finished a 36-hour labor.
Unknown speaker 02:09
And I was just like, you were with someone for 36 hours? I was just like, what? But now I'm like, yeah, I do that kind of a lot. That's a pretty regular part of my life. But I was like, how do you take time to eat?
Unknown speaker 02:25
And she was like, oh, I don't. I ate a slice of pizza that whole time, that 36 hours. And I remember being like, wow, you're amazing. And then not eating a single bite of food during that whole birth.
Unknown speaker 02:40
And I don't know that I really drink any water either. Like maybe I drink some water, I'm not sure. But I went home feeling like this euphoric, like we call it a birth high, but also like absolute garbage because I hadn't, eaten, hadn't taken care of myself.
Unknown speaker 02:55
I hadn't slept. And I was only with them for maybe 10 hours total. So like it wasn't crazy long, but still, right? So fast forward to the second birth I had. The second birth, technically, I mean, it was my fourth birth supporting, right?
Unknown speaker 03:11
But my second client who had like hired me, didn't know me, et cetera. And I was with them for I think 17 hours, which still like in the grand scheme of things now as a doula, I'm like, 17 hours. It's no big deal.
Unknown speaker 03:26
But I did not eat anything. And I also did not sleep at all. And I went home feeling awful. And I remember just being like, I don't think I can keep doing this. Like I'm not sure how people do this. Both of those births were overnight.
Unknown speaker 03:44
Both of those births, I did not sleep before I went, which now I do. But so we're going to talk a little bit about that. Like, how do I keep from that happening? But there was a time at first that I was just trying to figure out like, okay, how do I do this sustainably?
Unknown speaker 04:02
And I legitimately had to be like, okay, if I'm at a birth for longer than, you know, 12 hours, 13 hours, whatever, I can't go to another birth for at least three days. And I mean, I have a lot of respect for myself back then, because I think part of me was just like, I really didn't know what I was doing.
Unknown speaker 04:27
And, you know, like the first doula who I adore, like, she's an amazing doula. But she was just like, I once I said pizza, and I was like, okay, that's what I should do. And now I'm like, no, no, no, no, you know, like, if I could go back and be like, Oh, baby doula, Kaylee, like, please, please eat and sleep, my friend, you know, like, maybe don't take a full sleep, but like, nap a little, like rest a little,
Unknown speaker 04:49
you don't have to be just like on at all times. And I think when I think, think about that first year, it was really hard. There were some clients I had to send back up doulas to because I was just like, I can't go, I feel terrible.
Unknown speaker 05:03
And my period would come on every time I went to a birth. And now I know I was dealing with undiagnosed PCOS and other hormone issues myself and not sleeping was really effing those up. I didn't know that at the time because I hadn't been diagnosed yet.
Unknown speaker 05:23
I was working hard to get a diagnosis, but all the doctors were just like, nothing's wrong with you. Everything's fine. I had a doctor during that time. This is a total side note, but tell me that my life sounded really boring.
Unknown speaker 05:35
And so probably I was bored. I mean, you can't make this shit up, right? I'm a woman coming to you saying I have constant fatigue. I have really low libido, all these different hormonal things. And she's like, your life is boring.
Unknown speaker 05:50
And I was like, you're even a woman, like it was a woman saying this to me. She also was like, probably you're not attracted to your spouse and you're, you're like bored. And I was like, okay, so does that give me like irregular periods?
Unknown speaker 06:03
And I actually did like kind of snarkly be like, can you do a blood test for boredom? She was just like, well, I am going to test your thyroid and stuff. You know, but I was just like, is that something we can like medically rule out?
Unknown speaker 06:18
I'm still pretty proud of myself for that because I was so shocked when she said that. Like part of me was just like, let me get out of this office. Another part of me was like, I'm not leaving without you running some blood work.
Unknown speaker 06:28
You know, like at least check my thyroid, like do something, you know? Anyway, so on the one hand, if I went back to those births now, how I interacted with those clients, how I supported those people and how I supported myself would be very different, right?
Unknown speaker 06:48
But also like I was literally doing the best I could with what I knew and I was kind of piecing it together as I went and that is all I had, right? Like all I had was this like drive to be a doula, this feeling that it was the perfect fit for me and also this desperation to make it work financially because my family needed it to work financially.
Unknown speaker 07:13
And so I just was like, I'm doing the best I can, right? And I think looking back, I'm sort of like, yeah, I had to do a lot of experimentation. I had to do a lot of trial and error. I had to do a lot of like, I mean, I got home from one birth.
Unknown speaker 07:29
It was probably like my third or fourth birth and I threw up as soon as I got home. Like I remember just being like, I feel like absolute trash and I was also just trying to figure out like what do I eat and when do I eat it and how do I do that and what does it look like and you know, like all of those logistics of like I'm here in this.
Unknown speaker 07:50
space and trying to figure out how I am supposed to exist in this space, right? This space that's not about me, like this space that's about my client, right? This space that I so desperately want to center them in, but like I also need to be cared for, right?
Unknown speaker 08:09
And so, I mean, that birthday I came home and puked. My husband was just like, are you okay? And I was like, no, not okay. Like I don't know. I think it was just because I hadn't eaten, like I'm super stressed, you know.
Unknown speaker 08:22
And it is just like the emotional work of being a doula. Plus, I had a solid dose of people pleasing still happening at the time, which I mean, I still have remnants of that, right? But like, it's definitely not what it was eight years ago.
Unknown speaker 08:41
But also just the like figuring it out that I was sort of like, I don't know. how to do this. And I know now that a lot of the information I was getting from other doulas was based on like burnout strategies essentially, right?
Unknown speaker 08:58
Like just like straight up like this will like F you up forever, you know? Like I'm just like, no one can go 40 hours without eating. Like no one should go 40 hours without eating, right? No one should go like two and a half days without sleeping at all.
Unknown speaker 09:15
Like if you're at a birth for two and a half days, you should nap at some point. What that looks like is different for all of us, but like actually your body needs that to be healthy, right? And so I realized now part of what I was being told was how people were doing it, but, and which again, like I don't fault them for that.
Unknown speaker 09:37
Like that's how they were doing it, right? But how they were doing it was also like a fast track to burnout, you know? And so sometimes as doulas, I think we also put ourselves in positions where we're kind of like, okay, what should I do?
Unknown speaker 09:53
And the person telling us what we should do is on their way to burnout themselves, right? And like, I mean, I really remember this one moment, I don't remember, it was client number like maybe 10 or something.
Unknown speaker 10:06
And I had to send a backup tour because I had just been at another birth. I think it was the other birth that I puked at actually. Yeah. So maybe it was client number like six. I don't know. I need to look back maybe, but I don't need to look back.
Unknown speaker 10:20
It's somewhere in the early teens of my doula business. And I was like, I got home from a birth last night, threw up, and then feel like absolute garbage. And so I'm sending you a backup, right? And I hated saying that to her.
Unknown speaker 10:39
She loved her backup. Like her backup was glorious. She was so happy with the with the girl I sent as her backup with the woman. I send it to her back up. She was thrilled with how she was cared for.
Unknown speaker 10:53
She was so understanding of me needing to not be there. But I legitimately, she called me and was like, my water broke and I was in the bathtub trying to do my post-birth ritual that I did at the time.
Unknown speaker 11:07
When I had a bathtub that was nicer, I would soak in this CBD bath bomb situation. Anyway, I was trying desperately to figure out sustainability practices. I was in the bathtub when she called me. And so I'm just in the throes of recovering from this hard birth that I puked after.
Unknown speaker 11:28
And she was like, my water broke. And I was just like, fuck. And I remember just being like, listen, I'm going to have to send her back up to you. And I'd already sent... I had already talked to the backup because I knew she could go into labor and I was like, I can't go if it happens today.
Unknown speaker 11:48
I threw up last night, you know. But also, I remember getting off the phone and she was just like, I totally understand. Don't worry at all. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get you connected with her. You know, she's already in DC.
Unknown speaker 12:01
Like she's here. She knows that you're, you know, she's already here like seeing a client anyway. So I know she's around. Like, let me just connect you via text and then you guys can talk, whatever. But I got off the phone and just like wept.
Unknown speaker 12:12
Like I just sat in that bathtub and bowled my eyes out and was like, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Like, how do I keep doing this? And feel like absolute garbage. And then I'm just like letting my other client down.
Unknown speaker 12:26
And also like, how do I space out due dates? How many people should I even have at a time? Like, and it felt like this like roller coaster that I had kind of started and couldn't stop, right? Because I was like, shit, I already have like four more people do.
Unknown speaker 12:43
You know, like I was just like, what do I do now? How do I put all the brakes on to see, you know? And so I was just kind of like trying to backpedal. I mean, honestly, I feel like the sensation of like riding your bike down a hill and you're just like, no, like I'm like losing control.
Unknown speaker 13:00
That's how it felt. Where I was like, I have so many people who've already hired me who are already due in the coming weeks, months, et cetera. And I don't know that I can do this, right? Like I was just like, maybe I can't actually show up as a doula.
Unknown speaker 13:15
Maybe I can't actually do this work. I mean, fast forward eight years, I have no doubt in my mind that I can show up like one of the best fucking doulas. You know what I mean? Like I do not ever think to myself, gosh, I don't know if I can do this.
Unknown speaker 13:30
No, I can fucking do it, right? Like I am gonna kill it at the birth, but also like I eat, right? Like I make sure to hydrate myself. I go to the bathroom before I ever go into my house. my client's room.
Unknown speaker 13:45
I just take care of myself. I have a toothbrush and stuff in my bag. I have snacks and things in my bag. I'm ready and able to order myself food and whatnot. I make sure I am taking good care of myself and that lets me show up for my people.
Unknown speaker 14:06
It also lets me recover while it is easier on every level. Anyway, I've been kind of reflecting back in part because we're coming up on July and July is my time that I don't take due dates and it's always a little bit dicey for me because I'm like, should I take due dates?
Unknown speaker 14:29
I always have like a thousand people reach out for July, not a thousand, like 10. But still, I'm like, ah, all these people are due. I can't say yes to them. You know, that sucks. But really, like I also love.
Unknown speaker 14:42
being off in July. I really love not having anybody do and I really love getting to hang out with my kids. I have big plans to go. I just today bought some water balloons and a sprinkler for the yard.
Unknown speaker 14:56
I'm like, we are going to summer this summer. We are going to just live it up this summer with our friends, with the 11-year-old besties that my daughter had. We're just going to have the best July ever and mostly I will be so much less stressed because I just know nobody can call me.
Unknown speaker 15:16
It's not that I don't love my clients. I do love my clients, but we all need some time off from that. I know I'm going to go to sleep tonight and nobody's calling me in labor. That's a huge deal. That's a big freaking deal when you're always going to sleep.
Unknown speaker 15:31
Is my ringer on? Am I ready? Could someone call? What if I go to ... Right now I have someone do and I'm always just like, but I could have a baby come, but maybe a baby will come, but then if a baby comes, I'm just constantly saying that.
Unknown speaker 15:46
It's a little bit of a joke, but also it takes a toll on you. Even just knowing like, okay, two more babies are due before the end of June. I got two more people and then I have until August before I have somebody else do.
Unknown speaker 16:01
Does that mean nothing's going to happen in July? No, I have work to do still. I have people to go to. I have things to show up for. I'm teaching classes, et cetera, but also I know I'm like on this final stretch for the first half of the year and then I get a break before I do the second half.
Unknown speaker 16:21
Even just that is like this lovely mental space that I'm like, yeah, that's coming. Honestly, it changes everything about how I show up in my business and how sustainable it feels to be a doula. I hope that's helpful today.
Unknown speaker 16:40
I'm going to be sharing a little bit over the next couple of weeks about why I do the summer slow down, but also how to do the summer slow down because it is kind of tricky to like financially sustain it, you know?
Unknown speaker 16:52
And so, yeah, that's kind of the vibe that you're gonna get for the next little bit. I do have a really awesome announcement that I think it might've come out this episode. It's gonna be before the episode.
Unknown speaker 17:06
So maybe you've already heard that awesome announcement, but I'll just leave it there. If you haven't heard it, now you have something to look forward to. Dun, dun, dun. Okay, I'll see you next Wednesday.
Unknown speaker 17:21
Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Dula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us. So we can celebrate alongside you.
Unknown speaker 17:35
If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.
Unknown speaker 17:48
This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
Unknown speaker 17:59
We'll see you again soon.
ASK A QUESTION!!! My plan is to start Friday Q&A (we need a new name, I know!) but first I need your questions! Submit them using the form below:
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/ask-me-a-question
Often when doula work is new to us we kind of suck at it at first! My first year as a full-time doula was a whole dumpster fire. It involved puking, lots of anxiety stomach stuff, tons of extra periods from the hormones, and just general burnout!
Quote from the show:
“In that first year I legitimately had to be like, okay, if I'm at a birth for longer than, you know, 12 hours, 13 hours, whatever, I can't go to another birth for at least three days. And I mean, I have a lot of respect for myself back then, because I think part of me was just like, I really didn't know what I was doing. And, you know, like the first doula who I adore, like, she's an amazing doula. But she was just like, I once I said pizza, and I was like, okay, that's what I should do. And now I'm like, no, no, no, no, you know, like, if I could go back and be like, Oh, baby doula, Kaely, like, please, please eat and sleep, my friend! And I think when I think, think about that first year, it was really hard. There were some clients I had to send back up doulas to because I was just like, I can't go, I feel terrible.”
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Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Doula Biz Blueprint Self-Paced Class for Doulas Launching Successful and Sustainable Businesses!
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
