Doulas Are Insane

• Transcript

  Transcript

  Unknown speaker 00:04

  Welcome to Dula Tips and Tits, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven. 

  Unknown speaker 00:20

  Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode. 

  Unknown speaker 00:36

  Hello and welcome back to Dula Tips and Tits. Have you ever heard the very common phrase that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results? I'm sure you have. Who hasn't, right? 

  Unknown speaker 00:51

  I just want to say, why are doula business owners a little bit insane? I know, I'm joking kind of, but also seriously though, we literally put ourselves on this freaking treadmill that's running 15 miles an hour when we really can only do two miles an hour. 

  Unknown speaker 01:17

  We're a profession that we're just like, we're going to do it. It's going to be fine. Actually, I was hanging out with a friend today and they're dealing with a cancer diagnosis, so it's like, there's just lots happening in their lives. 

  Unknown speaker 01:38

  We were talking about, this friend and I are both from the Midwest. We're talking about the Midwest, put your head down and get your shit done, which is not a good mentality, but the whole I got it by myself kind of ridiculousness is a very Midwest. 

  Unknown speaker 02:00

  thing, right? Like stereotypical Midwest thing. And part of that is, I think, inherent to like being a doula, because there are times where you're just like, okay, shit, this baby's coming today. And there's just nothing I can do about it. 

  Unknown speaker 02:13

  And so here we are, like today's the day, you know, and there, there is sometimes moments where you're, there are moments where you're just like, okay, all right, it's happening, you know, like, I sometimes have moments where I'm like, no, like I tell my husband, I'm just like, I didn't think it was happening today. 

  Unknown speaker 02:30

  Like, I just like throw a mini fit. And then I'm like, okay, we it's gonna be fine. Like we got it, you know, it's this baby can only come once, right? Like, that's like my own, I have my own like mantras. 

  Unknown speaker 02:41

  And then, and then I think what can sometimes happen is, if we get in that space of just like, okay, we got to just get shit done, then we like, just do we keep doing the thing that we actually don't like doing. 

  Unknown speaker 02:57

  And it will be like never hop off that train. right? So I want to share a little story. So I coached, I was coaching a doula at one point, and she was like doing a lot of one service and didn't really want to keep doing that service. 

  Unknown speaker 03:13

  She was sort of like, I hate the service. I no longer want to do it. But like it's the only thing anyone hires me for because everyone thinks that's what I do, you know. And I was like, okay, what do you want to do instead of that? 

  Unknown speaker 03:24

  Like, what would you like to do? And she was like, this is the kind of service I would like to do. Like this is kind of the beautiful way I'd like to do it. This is what I want to want it to be called. 

  Unknown speaker 03:34

  This is how much I would charge for it. And I was just like, wow, you have like some awesome information here. Like I was thinking, you know, I want to do this one thing instead of that, but you have like this whole plan. 

  Unknown speaker 03:44

  And then I was like, okay, so is that like on your website? And she was like, no. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, is it like, do you have information about it? She's like, no. I was like, does this offer just live in your head? 

  Unknown speaker 04:01

  And she was like, yes. I'm like, okay. So you really want to be doing that instead of what you're doing now, but have you actually offered that to anybody? Like have you, like if someone calls you and is like, hey, I need this service. 

  Unknown speaker 04:16

  Are you like, I can't do that, but I do have this other awesome service because it's like similar, right? So it was similar enough that you could offer it to the same people. And so I'm like, have you told anyone about it? 

  Unknown speaker 04:30

  Like, have you even just like shared with your network? Like, Hey, I have this new offer that I want to do. And she was like, no. And I'm like, okay. So in the meantime, are you saying yes to people who want to hire you for the service you don't want to do? 

  Unknown speaker 04:47

  And she was like, yes. And I'm like, okay. So the first step here is you got to jump off the train that's going the direction you don't want to go, right? And then you need to get on the train. and commit to the train that's going the direction you do want to go. 

  Unknown speaker 05:03

  And in the meantime, there's a little of both, right? Like you can't, I mean, I'm thinking the Metro because I live in DC. So I'm like, you get on the wrong direction, you just get off of the next stop, walk across the platform, get on the other train, right? 

  Unknown speaker 05:16

  That's most stops. That's how that works. But I'm also like, okay, yeah, you know, in doula world, let's say, you know, you're doing June, now they already hired you. Yeah, you've got to do those services with that person or refund them, right? 

  Unknown speaker 05:33

  Because you already let them hire you. But if someone reaches out today for services, you who's due like in July, you can say no to them. And you can offer them your other package, right? Your new package, you can start to tell them about it. 

  Unknown speaker 05:51

  And so we were talking about it. And I was thinking about this the other day, because I'm like, Oh, you know sometimes the simplest thing is like I want to do this awesome package and I'm like okay so do it right like and I don't mean that I do I really want you to hear me say this I do not mean that flippantly like you will never hear me say like it's easy just do it right just like suck it up and do no absolutely not I completely reject that with everything in me right that is not what I'm saying to you what I'm saying to you is if that's what you want to do you have to either do it or you're gonna stay on the other train right like if you let people keep hiring you for the service you don't want to do anymore you're gonna keep having clients for that service that's how that works right and as doulas we often let people hire us months in advance and so then it's like well shoot now I'm in that thing well shoot now I'm you know it's like yeah but also like you have to start now telling people about the new thing if you want them to hire you for it because the people do in August and September are planning out their care right now right this is when they're hiring and so you need to be you need to start flexing that muscle right like this is something that will not just happen and I think sometimes sometimes I think about like in our work it is a little bit cyclical because we're dealing with pregnant people right so we're like okay this person's due and then they have their package and then their package is over and while their package is going someone else's package is going so like July for instance I don't have anyone do but I do have prenatal visits with people who are due in August and September right like I do have those prenatal visits coming that are like okay you know this like I have that happening so I think part of part of what I think about in terms of like the way that we perpetuate an unsustainable practice in our business is that for one, 

  Unknown speaker 08:03

  we don't take the time to figure out what we could do instead, right? And I actually had this conversation recently because I think I mentioned a couple podcasts back. I went to like an event over a weekend in early May and it was like a like meet the doula kind of event, but it was in person. 

  Unknown speaker 08:23

  And mostly I went because I wanted to meet other doulas, which was awesome. I'm so happy that I went to it. It was lovely. I had a great time. I was exhausted because I had been at a birth, but it was really wonderful. 

  Unknown speaker 08:35

  And one of the doulas was like, you know, I'm, I think she's 42, but she was like, I'm in my forties now. You know, we were like a number of us that are around that same age. We're like, yeah, like this is hard work on our bodies. 

  Unknown speaker 08:47

  And she's like, you know, I keep thinking to myself, like at some point my body's not going to be able to do this and what then? And I was like, okay, well. do you want to talk about that? Because I'm like, this is what I do, guys. 

  Unknown speaker 09:01

  And I was sort of like, can I give you a mini coaching session? They were all like, yes, please. And I was like, okay, this is what that looks like. And you need to start now. If you're thinking five years from now, 10 years from now, I don't want to be attending births, now is the time to decide what you want to do instead of that and start working towards it. 

  Unknown speaker 09:21

  Because the business you have right now at 42 didn't come overnight. You built it with some time, some energy, some effort. And so what you have currently going, the financial success, the client market, et cetera, is not just going to appear out of thin air for your new thing that you want to do instead. 

  Unknown speaker 09:41

  And it's not as simple in most scenarios as being like, oh, I don't go to births anymore. Instead, I do classes. People might be like, okay, great, but I actually just want a birth doula, right? Like, yeah, you'll get some people, but also each person who signs up for your class is a lot less money than a birth doula package, right? 

  Unknown speaker 09:59

  So there's this back and forth there that's necessary in order to do that pivot, even if that pivot is going to be years from now. And that's where I think, this is where burnout happens, right? Is when we're like, I needed to pivot a year ago and now I'm here and I'm like, what do I do, right? 

  Unknown speaker 10:22

  Because I kind of have this feeling of like, it has to happen now. I can't keep going. And I mean, at births, right? We talk to people about like, it takes an hour to get an epidural, sometimes less, but oftentimes an hour before you have relief, right? 

  Unknown speaker 10:36

  So if you're at the moment of being like, I cannot do one more contraction, you're already passed when we want you to ask for an epidural. And there's so much nuance, right? Like we won't get into that. 

  Unknown speaker 10:47

  Like this is an analogy that we're using for its usefulness in this one way. But like, if you know you want an epidural, then part of the game plan can be figuring out when that epidural should happen, right? 

  Unknown speaker 11:03

  It doesn't need to be like, let's wait until everything's crashing and burning and then be like, now's the time, grab the medicine, right? Like that's not even how that works. And so when we're thinking about business, we do that, like, we're just like, I can't attend any more births. 

  Unknown speaker 11:19

  And I'm like, okay, but naturally then you just fall out of this whole business because you're like, I don't know what to do instead and I actually need it to happen now, right? And so there's this urgency that's not actually possible as a business, right? 

  Unknown speaker 11:35

  Like you cannot just be like, today I have a new service and also it makes me tons of money. Like that's not how it works, you know? And I think we want it to work like that. Like we want the magic, like I made a video and it went viral and I have millions of dollars. 

  Unknown speaker 11:51

  That is not how our businesses grow. Very rarely is that the case, right? Like those like, boom, I got a call and I was a millionaire. Like that is not the normal scenario, right? Doesn't mean you can't be a millionaire. 

  Unknown speaker 12:08

  You can be, but it's gonna take some significant strategy and effort to get you there. Like this path isn't just gonna fall in front of you. Like you're gonna have to take some time to be like, I can't keep doing this long-term. 

  Unknown speaker 12:24

  And so what am I gonna do instead? Or I want to keep doing this long-term, but how I'm currently doing it isn't sustainable. How do I make it sustainable? Because in the meantime, it's just still not sustainable, not sustainable, not sustainable, right? 

  Unknown speaker 12:45

  Like you're on this hamster wheel. It's like, jump off the fricking wheel. And then you can be like, what about this wheel needs to change? Like, oh, the treadmill needs to slow down. Oh, the, you know, I have so many analogies going in this episode, I can't even keep up with them. 

  Unknown speaker 12:59

  The treadmill was too fast. The hamster wheel, which I don't even know what we're doing with that because it's run by the running. The epidural, we're just, today is the day of the analogies. I am killing it with these half-baked analogies. 

  Unknown speaker 13:19

  But I mean, I think my message here is if any of this resonates with you, today is the day, right? Today is the day to be strategic about what it will look like, not tomorrow, not a month from now, not a year from now, when you feel like you're gonna lose your mind. 

  Unknown speaker 13:37

  It needs to happen now and it needs to start now so that you have time to grow it in a way that actually feels sustainable, okay? All right, I will see you in the next episode. Bye, bye. Bye, bye. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tits podcast. 

  Unknown speaker 13:59

  If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at hara doula so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. 

  Unknown speaker 14:21

  This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business. 

  Unknown speaker 14:33

  We'll see you again soon. 

ASK A QUESTION!!! My plan is to start Friday Q&A (we need a new name, I know!) but first I need your questions! Submit them using the form below:

https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/ask-me-a-question

Doulas are insane. That’s right. You read that correctly. Why, you ask? Because we do the same thing over and over and expect different results! If we don’t stop and shift things our business will never be different. That’s just how it works my friend. Dive into this with me today.

Quote from the show:

“So I want to share a little story. So I coached, I was coaching a doula at one point, and she was like doing a lot of one service and didn't really want to keep doing that service. She was sort of like, I hate the service. I no longer want to do it. But like it's the only thing anyone hires me for because everyone thinks that's what I do, you know. And I was like, okay, what do you want to do instead of that? Like, what would you like to do? And she was like, this is the kind of service I would like to do. Like this is kind of the beautiful way I'd like to do it. This is what I want to want it to be called. This is how much I would charge for it. And I was just like, wow, you have like some awesome information here. Like I was thinking, you know, I want to do this one thing instead of that, but you have like this whole plan. And then I was like, okay, so is that like on your website? And she was like, no. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, is it like, do you have information about it? She's like, no. I was like, does this offer just live in your head?”

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Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services