You Matter As a Doula - Give Yourself More Credit
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Unknown speaker 00:04
Welcome to Dula Tips and Tits, the podcast where we cut through the noise and get real about what it takes to build a sustainable doula business. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been a doula informally for 14 years and full time for seven.
Unknown speaker 00:20
Around here, we don't sugarcoat stuff. We talk autonomy, owning your worth, creating a business that works for you. No fluff, no burnout, just the honest truth on how to be your own best boss. Let's get into today's episode.
Unknown speaker 00:36
A wise woman once said, your business needs you to block out CEO time. And then that same wise woman had two babies come in the same week and use both days of her CEO time and forgot that she was the podcast host of Dula Tips and Tits.
Unknown speaker 00:53
So hi there, guys, this is Kaylee, your trusty host, who just completely space on recording and uploading a podcast episode this week because a baby came on Tuesday and a baby came today. So we're just in baby central over here.
Unknown speaker 01:19
And we, the plan was we were going to have some podcast guests, babies interrupted that, like the babies are going rogue. I don't know how it is in other parts of the world right now, but DC babies are really something else right now.
Unknown speaker 01:34
So I want to talk today about the birth experience I had today, because I think sometimes as doulas, we forget one of our biggest jobs. And I think it's all fun and games until we have a birth where literally every intervention that was unwanted needs to happen, right?
Unknown speaker 02:04
Like, I say this about OBs all the time, and midwives as well, but OBs especially, that any OB can do a decent job at an easy birth, right? Like you just like come in, catch a baby, like duped up D, it's all over, right?
Unknown speaker 02:24
But it takes a different kind of skill set to emotionally and educationally support a client through discouraging, frustrating, and unfortunate decision-making, right? I think with doulas, we often get associated with crunchiness, right?
Unknown speaker 02:47
Like holistic, organic, whatever, all unmedicated, all home birth, all like intervention free, and I'm not saying I'm not totally against that right like I'm a touch crunchy, I'm a little like put some honey on your cut, you know, I definitely put breast milk on all sorts of things when I was lactating right like I'd be like you have pink eye come over here, like squirt a little breast monk in your eyeball right like that yes 100% but also I have the context of my own births being filled with interventions that I would have loved to not have only because I have the weirdest uterus and I have zero control over that right like my uterus formed when I was literally being formed in my mother's womb if we will so when I say I'm for a good old-fashioned home birth with nobody doing anything to anybody yes I am right but also that's not the main reason I do this work right so let me give you a little background of today's birth I'm not gonna give you the full birth story because I was there for a very long time and is not my birth story to tell so the short summary is this client delivering in a hospital fairly low risk with a few few risky ish things right first time delivering a baby lots of good educational support emotional support etc all four grandparents are there a partner who adores her etc etc a really great OB team right she has an incredibly frustrating situation with prodromal labor kind of off and on body sending weird signals her getting a lot of unassociated pain so like crampiness in her knees like just some very obscure painful symptoms that were unnecessary now we have context for things like her low back and pelvic pain.
Unknown speaker 04:59
She had a monster baby, like she had a nine, over a nine pound baby. So that, and she's five five and probably like 102 pounds soaking wet. So she's real small and had a enormous child sitting in her pelvis.
Unknown speaker 05:13
So probably some of her pain before labor was that. So long story short, she went on Thursday night late thinking she was in early labor. She wasn't quite in early labor, but they kind of wanted to induce her anyway because she was having some high risk things.
Unknown speaker 05:28
And so she agreed to stay and be induced. So she started induction, started having lots of contractions, stayed one centimeter for like 15 hours. It was very frustrated. Did a fully balloon or a fully catheter, cooks, cooks catheter and got some new bane and rested a little bit.
Unknown speaker 05:49
So she rested a bit with the new bane. She, it came out of her system in about like two hours. She got up. Immediately, her water broke, balloon came out, she was five centimeters, contracting every two to three minutes, in this glorious pattern.
Unknown speaker 06:06
When I tell you all the textbook things, you stand, you sway, you squat a little, you dance a little, you move your hips, you let the baby move, I mean, this girl was rocking it. She was an unmedicated absolute queen.
Unknown speaker 06:24
She labors like that, gets checked again, because she's having lots of rectal pressure, like maybe two to three hours later, and was eight centimeters. Rectal pressure increases, she feels the need to push, obviously, the timeline lends itself to think she could be 10 centimeters, maybe she's pushing.
Unknown speaker 06:43
Also her favorite OB has come on, so she's like, yes, let's have a baby, right? This is like 5 p.m., 530 by 45, something in there. So the checker cervix, she's still eight. Well first, the OB checked, but she checked when she was on her side, because again, she's thinking I was going to check, I mean, I know this OB really well, I'm going to chat with her after.
Unknown speaker 07:05
So she's thinking, I'm going to check, baby's going to be really low, we're just having a baby, obviously, right, like everything's going really straightforward. So she checked her, not as thoroughly, and she was on her side.
Unknown speaker 07:20
And she was like, yeah, I don't feel a cervix, you can start pushing. So she started pushing, but we didn't really see actual descent from the baby, and so she checked again, and she was like, actually, excuse me, I think you're only eight centimeters still.
Unknown speaker 07:38
Obviously, my client was like, are you kidding me? So we had a little lull in labor, like things slowed down on their own. She kind of got discouraged. We had some like cuddle oxytocin time with the partner, you know, did all the good things, reminded her of how amazing she was.
Unknown speaker 07:54
She's still unmedicated at this point. she gets into the zone again, right? She's like, I got this, I can do it. And I can, you know, we advocate for her to be disconnected from everything because she's not in any medicine.
Unknown speaker 08:08
And so I'm like, hey, can she be treated like an irregular unmedicated person? Like baby's been looking great. She's not on Pitocin, she's not on IV drip. Like, can we just unhook her from everything and get the shower for a little bit?
Unknown speaker 08:18
Like, just like kind of reset. Thankfully, the OB says, yes, of course, you know. And so at this point, part of what we're looking at is like keeping her morale going so that she can get to 10 centimeters.
Unknown speaker 08:35
Okay, so fast forward many hours. She took a shower, started to, of course, distrust her feeling of needing to push and rectal pressure because she's been having that. She wasn't ever 10, you know, she's like frustrated by it.
Unknown speaker 08:49
She gets a check and she's nine. That's kind of encouraging. She feels good about it. She's like contemplating an epidural, but mostly doesn't want one, right? She gets another check. At some point, she's nine and a half.
Unknown speaker 09:04
She's feeling a lot of pain, a lot of pressure. She's like, my pelvis just hurts everywhere, right? The doctor says, okay, you're nine and a half, but that half is like really stretchy and we could reduce it, right?
Unknown speaker 09:20
We could kind of push past it. So she pushes with her for a few minutes, gets the cervix past the baby. She starts pushing. She pushes for probably like two hours. And then the doctor says, okay, you aren't making a lot of progress.
Unknown speaker 09:39
At that point, we are thinking she's tense. She's tired. She's having like leg cramps and like back pain and her neck hurts. Like she's just having all sorts of other sensations that are making it really hard to focus and concentrate on pushing.
Unknown speaker 09:58
And for her like strongest pushes, move the baby some, but not much, right? So the OB is like, listen, I think the best course of action is to, and it's, gosh, like two, three in the morning. So she's like, I think the best course of action is get you an epidural, let you sleep, like give you an hour or two to recalibrate and then let's see about pushing again.
Unknown speaker 10:32
And hopefully some of that tension has melted away, so hopefully some of the other sensations are gone and it's like a more positive, more productive experience. So fast forward to the morning, well, she gets an epidural.
Unknown speaker 10:43
She rests for a little bit. She gets most, a lot of relief, but not complete relief from the epidural, of course, because her baby's incredibly low and then starts pushing. pushing around like 6 30 in the morning or so.
Unknown speaker 10:58
And by like about 10 ish, there's not a lot of change. So the OB that we had is phenomenal. Like she's one of my absolute favorite obese in the DC area, in part because she's so incredibly evidence based and patient, but also like isn't going to BS you, you know.
Unknown speaker 11:23
So she was saying to my client, listen, like your pushes are amazing. Your pushes were great last night too. Like we, I don't know why, I can't tell you why they're not doing what we want them to do.
Unknown speaker 11:36
But I can tell you, your baby has not come any lower than plus one station and we had done some like repositioning stuff. Like we had done all that stuff, right? Like we did some like shake the apples.
Unknown speaker 11:48
We did some like inversion. Like we were doing stuff to get this kid. lined up. He also seemed like he was well-lined up. He was a little asynclic when he was delivered. He was delivered via C-section ultimately, but he was over nine pounds.
Unknown speaker 12:04
And like I said, she's like 105 pounds soaking wet and 5'5". And I'm not a person to say, a small body doesn't deliver big babies. That's not true. But her OB was saying his head circumference was quite large and her pubic, I just lost the word, her space and her pubic bone.
Unknown speaker 12:30
Ah, I know the word. Okay, it's fine. It was really narrow. And so she was like, it's not that he couldn't have fit, like maybe he could have if he was like perfectly aligned, but I'm not sure he would have.
Unknown speaker 12:46
Like he had some coning. He like clearly was trying to navigate through, but he was incredibly squished. No one suspected that he was a nine pound baby. So that was part of it. It's like, you know, we didn't think he was a big kid, but also this is not an OB that would have been like, let's have a C-section for a nine pound baby, you know, without trying.
Unknown speaker 13:04
And that's not a client that would have wanted that. Like she would have wanted to try, but it would have been a piece of information that we could factor in, right? Throughout this process. So she ends in a C-section.
Unknown speaker 13:16
Baby's born around like 11 30 AM today. And as soon as he's out there, like he's huge. And the doctor's like, Oh my gosh, well, that's why he wasn't coming down. Like he's a tiny bit crooked, but also like his head is really big.
Unknown speaker 13:31
And apparently her father-in-law was a very large baby and like has a bigger head circumference and whatnot. And so, you know, of course in those scenarios, lots of people are like, who's surprised? But also we were all surprised.
Unknown speaker 13:43
Like nobody really expected it all throughout this time. Her husband is dealing with a lot of anxiety and panic and dealing with with his wooziness responses to things like seeing blood or watching her in pain.
Unknown speaker 14:01
He nearly passed out twice. He threw up at least once. He had GI stuff going on all throughout the process. So at the end of this very long scenario of, as a doula, lots of hip squeezes, position changes, holding her up, holding her in a squat, helping her do all the things, shaking her like crazy, for shake the apples and whatnot.
Unknown speaker 14:25
Just physically so much intense support. And then the emotional support of all the different twists and turns. And maybe she's 10. I know she's only eight. Started pushing, stopped pushing, started pushing, stopped pushing, started pushing, stopped pushing, gotten up a girl that she wasn't planning, then had to have a C-section, all of those things.
Unknown speaker 14:49
So there was the emotional piece. The logistical piece. the physical piece and then the doctor, again, one of my absolute favorite OBs I've ever met managed to get me in the OR with them because we were kind of concerned about the partner because he was like a little woozy all day and like, you know, kind of emotional but also like panicky and whatnot.
Unknown speaker 15:18
And so we're kind of like, she's also emotional and panicky right now because she's on a C section, she's terrified of the C section but he is also that and we need a second support person in case he's not doing well so she has someone, right?
Unknown speaker 15:33
So I'm in the OR with them, my first time ever in the OR in that hospital. And so the whole experience was great, like the OR was great, the anesthesiologist had the client tell her about her baby nursery to distract her because she was really nervous about the fact that she felt the like tugging and pulling and stuff, like it made her incredibly scared and so the anesthesiologist literally just was like,
Unknown speaker 16:00
tell me about the baby's nursery, tell me about the like room colors, tell me about the animal prints you bought, tell me about like truly and then talk to her about her job, she's a chef and like, blah, blah, blah, like all of this and so it was all around like a very lovely experience and you know, I was saying to the OB later, I was like, you know, I think when we think about doula work, we do think about like spinning babies or like,
Unknown speaker 16:30
you know, baby positioning stuff. We think about like hip squeezes and childbirth classes and knowing your information, knowing your rights, etc. But also I think one of the biggest pieces is trauma reduction and trauma reduction is most potent in a traumatic experience, right, like the ability to be well supported through a hard scenario is a massive piece of dual work.
Unknown speaker 17:01
And it's hard, like, I mean, I cried literally on my way home from that birth, like I my husband picked me up. And I literally was just like, it was just hard. Like, I was like, I don't even know why I'm crying.
Unknown speaker 17:15
But I'm like, supporting the grandparents through all the ups and downs supporting her through all the ups and downs supporting the partner who's like, not doing well, supporting her in the fact that he's not doing well, you know, physically supporting her, emotionally supporting her, educationally supporting her, then I'm exhausted, super hungry.
Unknown speaker 17:33
And they're like, you can go on the OR. And I was like, great. Like, on the one hand, yes, of course. On the other hand, normally, when a client goes to the OR, I go take a nap and eat, you know, so, so I was kind of like, okay, I'm gonna have breakfast.
Unknown speaker 17:48
I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be okay. And then they're like, you can come in. And I was like, okay, great. You know, let me grab. And they're like, let's get you some scrubs. Let's get you, like, we got to get you in here now.
Unknown speaker 17:57
And I'm like, okay, let me pee really fast. And that's it. You know, so, so like physically and emotionally, I was also dealing with stuff. But my client, like, at the end was like, I feel good about she was like, I wish the birth didn't go like it did.
Unknown speaker 18:14
But I feel good about the decisions we made. And I was like, this is huge. Like you feel well supported, well educated, well informed, well listened to, like centered in the whole experience. That is what we can do.
Unknown speaker 18:33
Like we don't guarantee a particular outcome. We don't guarantee that are like tricks and tips and we're, you know, stuff works every time. Like we don't always get a big baby out. We don't always get an asynclic baby lined up again.
Unknown speaker 18:50
Like we, it just, we don't control that stuff, but we do control how we show up for our people and how we support them in the process of birth. Good, bad and ugly, right? Like we, we get to reduce trauma, reduced strain, reduce the emotional and physical impact of things, even when those things are the farthest thing from what the client is wanting, you know?
Unknown speaker 19:20
So I guess today's episode is one, I'm so sorry that I just completely forgot that I was supposed to put a podcast episode out because of the babies. And two, the work that you do as a doula is so important.
Unknown speaker 19:35
The whole motivation for me and the coaching that I do with doulas is to help you continue doing this work. Like my desire. It's for you to be a doula for as long as you can be, as long as you want to be.
Unknown speaker 19:54
And to not burn out because of business practices or because of lack of charging or because of crappy systems. I want you to decide to retire because you're ready to move on to something else. I want you to decide to pivot because you want to and that's where your heart is and your desire.
Unknown speaker 20:13
Not because you don't know how to sustain the doula work. How to sustain being a business owner. How to sustain your business practices, your business funding, your business finances. I like to share sometimes scenarios that happen with my own clients.
Unknown speaker 20:35
Because one, I want you to remember that I am actually out here doing this work. I'm in these doula streets. you know, like I'm doing it. I'm not just telling you how to be a doula because I was a doula long ago.
Unknown speaker 20:47
Like, and I'm not saying that's all bad, but like, I'm actually still a doula. I'm actually still on call almost all the year. Like, right? Like I'm nine. Well, no, 11 out of 12 months, I'm on call, right?
Unknown speaker 21:02
And so I am working out this business as I support clients, as I support like clients who are pregnant folks and clients who are doulas, right? Who are doula business owners, who are new doulas, who are learning the doula ropes, you know?
Unknown speaker 21:21
And so I'm not just, I'm not just teaching and coaching from a place of like intellectual space. I'm teaching and coaching from a place of inherent desire to continue having you support people giving birth and having postpartum experiences, right?
Unknown speaker 21:44
Like, my motivation is for you to be in business as long as possible, as long as you want to be in business, because I think your clients need you. Like that's, that's why I do what I do, you know? And births like today are why I'm a doula, honestly.
Unknown speaker 22:05
Like I love a good, you know, seven hours in and out, baby comes out with no problem. We get to do all the immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding and all the glorious things. Like, I love that kind of course.
Unknown speaker 22:17
Why would I not love that birth, right? But the births like today are actually what motivates me to keep doing this work because those families have such a different outcome when they are well supported versus when they have shitty support or when they're just not supported at all.
Unknown speaker 22:34
When they have trauma and they don't understand it, right? Like, like there's a vastly different outcome there. in a scenario that's hard and so that's why I do what I do. Anyway, my hope is for the rest of the year to have all the podcast episodes out on time because I'm gonna try to work like I tell you to work and batch things in advance.
Unknown speaker 23:02
I'm also hoping to have one or two more guests on the podcast before the end of the year. I do have a couple extra like ask me a question episodes that are coming out in the next couple weeks because I've had some people submit questions.
Unknown speaker 23:17
As a reminder, there is a link to do that in the show notes and I love to do like bonus Friday episodes that are like ask a question and I just share the scenario that you share and then answer the question that you have so that everybody benefits from it.
Unknown speaker 23:34
So if you have not yet done that or if you've done it before, you're welcome to do another one. I love questions. So please submit another. Um, and then I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tips podcast.
Unknown speaker 23:52
If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at her rod doula so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app.
Unknown speaker 24:10
That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
Unknown speaker 24:26
We'll see you again soon.
ASK A QUESTION!!! My plan is to start Friday Q&A (we need a new name, I know!) but first I need your questions! Submit them using the form below:
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/ask-me-a-question
According to the National Institute of Health: “Doula care in perinatal care was significantly correlated with positive delivery outcomes including reduced cesarean and premature deliveries. Doula support, specifically in low-income women, was shown to improve breastfeeding success, with quicker lactogenesis and continued breastfeeding weeks after childbirth. The emotional support provided by doulas was seen to reduce anxiety and stress during the labor period and reduce the length of labor. Women with a doula during childbirth helped raise their confidence and autonomy throughout labor.” But we know that right? Today’s episode is about the important work we do.
Quote from the show:
“I think when we think about doula work, we do think about spinning babies or baby positioning stuff. We think about hip squeezes and childbirth classes and knowing your information, knowing your rights, etc. But also I think one of the biggest pieces is trauma reduction and trauma reduction is most potent in a traumatic experience, right, like the ability to be well supported through a hard scenario is a massive piece of doula work…. But my client, like, at the end was like, I wish the birth didn't go like it did. But I feel good about the decisions we made. And I was like, this is huge. Like you feel well supported, well educated, well informed, well listened to, like centered in the whole experience. That is what we can do…. we don't guarantee a particular outcome. We don't guarantee that are like tricks and tips and we're, you know, stuff that works every time. Like we don't always get a big baby out. We don't always get an asynclic baby lined up again. We don't control that stuff, but we do control how we show up for our people and how we support them in the process of birth. Good, bad and ugly, right? Like we, we get to reduce trauma, reduced strain, reduce the emotional and physical impact of things, even when those things are the farthest thing from what the client is wanting, you know?”
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
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If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula
Doula Tips and Tits is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Doula Biz Blueprint Self-Paced Class for Doulas Launching Successful and Sustainable Businesses!
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
